The Notebook
by WhoAteThePixies
Summary: She's holding onto the small, black leather bound notebook as if his life depends on it.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Don't Own, Don't Sue.

**A/N: **This is unbetaed so all mistakes are my own. I don't write fanfics often, but I felt really inspired by the Dair plot line. And I possibly have a second part forming in my mind, so feedback is both welcome and much appreciated. I hope you enjoy!

xxx

She's holding onto the small, black leather bound notebook as if his life depends on it.

The fingers of her right hand are curled tightly around its spine, as she presses it to her chest. She's standing, perfectly still, in the middle of the corridor. Still staring at the two huge swing doors that he's just been rushed through, lying unconscious on a gurney, surrounded by an urgently talking swarm of doctors and nurses. Rushed through the doors where a nurse informs her that she's no permitted to follow. Nor can she be told anything about his condition, no matter how intimidating her glare or demanding her tone is.

_I'm sorry honey. I know you must be real worried about your boyfriend, but we're only allowed to give that information to family members. I promise you that we're doing everything we can for him. You're just gonna have to wait._

She doesn't bother to correct her.

xxx

_They were coming back from a party when it happened. One he'd goaded her into going to in the first place. Where she spent most of night at making snide comments, despite the fact she was secretly enjoying herself. Then he insisted on escorting her back to her room afterwards. _

'_You can never be too careful, Waldorf.'_

_They were almost on her corridor when they heard a girl on the stairwell yelling at some arsehole to let her go. And, like the good knight in shining armour he is, Humphrey had hurried to her rescue._

_On the next level they'd found some scraggly blond girl being pinned to the wall by a frat boy twice her size. When Humphrey had asked the girl if she was ok, the frat boy told him to fuck off and mind his own business. When Humphrey told him to let her go, he repeated his first reply. So Humphrey replied in turn with his fist. _

_He was still making sure the girl was alright when the frat boy managed to half drag himself off the floor and tackle Humphrey. In a flash, Humphrey had lost his footing and tumbled backwards down the stairs, flaying arms doing nothing to prevent the fall. He'd landed in an unnatural heap at the bottom. _

_She remembers hearing someone screaming his name as he fell and rushing to his side. In retrospect, it had must have been her, but she doesn't recall it. She does remember yelling for someone to ring an ambulance when she discovered that his breathing was shallow and he wouldn't wake up. _

_As the paramedics carried him away, she saw that his phone and notebook had fallen out of his jacket and were lying unceremoniously on the ground. Without thinking, she'd snatched them up before running to join him in the ambulance._

xxx

Now she's standing in a hospital, which stinks so strongly of antiseptic that she'll probably still be able to smell on her skin for days afterwards. And she's done feeling useless. Blair Waldorf is nothing if not proactive. So she grabs his phone from her pocket and proceeds to call the only family member he has left in the country.

To say Jenny is shocked to find Blair calling her from her brother's phone is an understatement, but Blair soon shuts her up when she informs her of what's happened. That she know it's serious but no one here will tell her how serious. And then she orders Little J to get back here as straight away and she doesn't care how she does it.

Next on the list is Serena, who she is currently in Italy with the rest of the Humphrey-van der Woodsen clan. But instead of spending quality time with her family, her giggled answer and the faint male voice in the background, leads Blair to conclude that she's busy spending quality time with someone else. Trust S to be having a fling with some vesper-driving, Italian idiot when someone else is in trouble.

Serena tells her that this isn't a good time for her to talk. Blair retorts that this isn't a good time for her either, but she needs her to inform Rufus that his son is in the hospital. Serena is halfway through a gasp when Blair abruptly hangs up.

A short time later, Rufus calls her back. She tells him the little she knows and which hospital they're at. He lets her know that Lily is arranging to have the Bass plane fly them back as soon as possible.

She can't get hold of Nate.

She can't care less about Chuck right now.

And it seems Vanessa is refusing to answer any calls coming from Dan's phone; Blair doubts a call coming from her phone will remedy this. She decides that, at this current time, it's unwise for her to leave V a voicemail.

Then there's no one left to call. So she sits down and stares at the doors. She waits and clutches the notebook so firmly that her knuckles turn white and the spine digs into her palm.

He can't die like this – it would be such a Humphrey way to go.

xxx

At some point the scraggly blond turns up. Blair clocks her out of the corner of her eye, sheepishly making her way over. An over protective male-type in tow this time. A little to late to be of any use.

_How is he?_

Her words are hesitant. Blair fixes her with a sterns gaze, making no effort to put her at ease, as she tells her she doesn't know. The girl starts to apologise. Blair cuts her off by interrogating her about the bastard Humphrey saved her from. Unsurprisingly, the girl didn't know much. But Blair believes that she has enough information to get started. She lets the girl apologise a few more times and express how grateful she is before dismissing her. The guy she's with looks annoyed at Blair's words, but the girl shakes her head at him and gently leads him away.

Blair occupies her time by planning out ways to make the bastard suffer. How much is all dependent on Humphrey.

xxx

The nurse eventually reappears. Lets her know he's been moved to a private room. He's stable, but hasn't woken up yet. And she can see him now if she likes. Blair just nods in reply and follows the nurse down the corridors.

They enter a private room, devoid of personality and perfectly clean, and he's lying there in a bed. If she didn't know any better, she would assume he was sleeping. But the beeping of the heart monitor dissolves any illusions he could be. The nurse points to the call button and tells her to use it if she needs anything, then with a supposedly comforting squeeze on the arm, she's left alone again.

And she has no idea what she's supposed to do.

If this was a movie, then Blair would be compelled to sit beside his bed and hold his hand tightly in hers, as she anxiously waited for him to come round. However, they hardly ever touch when they're both conscious (unless Blair is man-handling him) and she feels it some what perverse to start now. Like she would be violating his trust by taking advantage of his unconscious state.

What Blair really wants to do is shout at him to stop being so pathetic, but she doesn't think that will help anyone given the situation. Instead she selects the arm chair which is farthest away from him, moving a bit more for good measure, and settles into it.

Before the beeping can drive her mad, she finally decides how to pass the time until Humphrey wakes up or someone conscious chooses to join her. She opens up the notebook she's still holding and begins to read it allowed.

Blair's only on the third line when she spots a mistake he's made and, with a sigh, she lets him know what it is. Of course, Humphrey gives no acknowledgment that he's heard it, leading Blair to feverishly search for a pen. When she eventually finds one (amongst his neatly folded clothes no less), she makes herself comfortable in the chair again and writes down her correction. Then she continues with her reading, only pausing to note down a criticism or a comment, which she informs him of as she writes.

_You're going to have to wake up sooner or later Humphrey. The longer you lie there, the more work I'm going to find for you to do. _

She's worked her way through a lot of the scrawl when Jenny bursts through the door, followed by closely Nate. Blair decides to save questioning why he's shown up with her for later. She tries not to show the full extent of her irritation, as she quickly conceals the notebook within her coat pocket before either of them spies it. Humphrey helpfully provides the misdirection to accompany this slight of hand.

Blair curtly interrupts Little J's string of 'oh my god's by demanding to know what the doctors have said. Apparently the fall caused some swelling in his brain, but that's since reduced and the doctors are confident that he'll regain consciousness soon. And to top it off, he's covered in bruises and has sprained his right wrist. But there's nothing life threatening. And it's not a matter of if he'll wake up, just a matter of when.

Nate's frowning at Blair slightly as Jenny relays the information, but neither of the girls seems to care; Jenny's attention is fully occupied by doing her sisterly duty and Blair just glares right back at him. When he asks the blond if he can get her anything, Blair orders a coffee. And, although his concerned face is once again replaced with a frown, he leaves without protest to fetch her one.

After he's left, Blair directs her gaze out of the window, as if transfixed on the world outside. In reality, she is carefully observing Humphrey and his sister's reflections. And Jenny does all the things Blair is unable to do; she holds Humphrey's hand, she encourages him to wake up, she starts to cry.

When Nate returns, coffee in hand, he tries to engage Blair in conversation. Tries to find out more about what happened. All he gets in return are short answers. Eventually he gives up trying to talk to her (or at her), so he moves on to comforting Jenny and jokingly threatening Humphrey with what will happen if he doesn't wake up soon. Blair just continues staring out the window. A hand placed inconspicuously in her coat pocket. Fingertips memorising the wrinkles of the leather.

At some point, Jenny falls asleep and so does Nate in the chair beside her. Blair stays awake. If Humphrey is going to continue being dramatic then he should at least have an audience.

xxx

It's well into the next day when the rest of the Humphrey-van der Woodsen family appears.

Blair watches as they rush to Humphrey's bedside, completely unaware of her sitting there in the background. They all look worried and stressed – Serena has barely dried tears on her face.

Unoriginally, Humphrey begins stirs when his greatest love gently touches his hand. His sister and ex seem determined to knock him back into a coma, as they leap at him and pull him into a tight hug. When she hears his half moan-half laugh, she knows she's not needed anymore.

She's just outside the door when she feels a hand grasping her elbow and she turns to find Rufus. He tells her that she doesn't have to leave and she doesn't reply. He makes the same expression as his son when he wants to mention something but doesn't know how to broach the subject. Instead he settles for thanking her for looking after his son.

Blair gives him a nod in return and swiftly leaves.

xxx

It's been half a week and Blair hasn't seen Humphrey since she'd left the hospital (although she's been informed by several sources that he's doing well). Anyway, she hasn't had the time to keep checking up on Humphrey; she's been busying destroying the frat-boy-bastard's world. Not only has she managed to get him expelled from NYU, but she's found several other girls that he's assaulted in the pass.

Blair's ready to make sure that he gets everything he deserves.

There's a knock at her bedroom door, causing her to raise an eyebrow. She's not expecting anyone – in fact she remembers deliberately instructing Dorota that she's not to be interrupted. A frustrated sigh escapes her lips as she contemplates the possibility it's Serena, here to tell her again how she's released that her and Dan meant to be together for ever.

Without waiting for a reply, Dan Humphrey's face suddenly appears around her door.

And he seems to take her stunned silence as an invitation to enter.

_Um, hi._

All she can do is stand beside her bed bewildered and stare at him. Just standing in her room, with that stupid semi-grin on his face, as if he hadn't recently gotten out of hospital. Then she realises that he's looking at something behind her. She follows his gaze and her eyes land on the notebook sitting on her bedside table. His notebook.

He takes a step forward and she quickly snatches it up and holds it possessively. Now it's his turn to raise an eyebrow. Her usually perfect mask fails her; she can feel a blush slowly creeping into her cheeks. All of a sudden, she thrusts the book in his direction and tells him that she's added some constructive criticism.

_Constructive criticism?_

It the way he slowly says it, with amusement dancing in his voice and a bemused look on his face, that makes her throw the notebook at him. Followed by a shoe. And a pillow. And then whatever else lies within her reach.

Just to irk her further, he manages to dodge every one.

Each missile is used to punctuate a statement she's yelling at him. Blair is consumed with rage; all the anger she's bottled up, all the things she wanted to scream at him in the hospital, come pouring out. How could he have been so stupid? Why does he have to go round protecting everyone?

Dan's decides that he's going to end up getting hurt if he keeps his distant, so he hurries over to her and wraps his arms around her. Allowing her to continue to rant and rave into his chest until she has no fury left.

_When was the last time you slept?_

She hadn't realise how drained she's feeling until he asked that. She hasn't had the time to. Blair moves away slightly and, before he can back away too, she grasps his hand. And lead him to the bed.

He lets her; Humphrey has always been good at following her lead.

They curl up together on top of the sheets. She faces away from him, but she can feel the warmth coming from his body and his breath tickling the skin on her neck. And finally, she can let herself sleep.

xxx

He's still there in the morning, still holding her close as he sleeps. She rewards him with coffee and croissants, which she leaves him to eat alone at the table. It doesn't take much effort to find his notebook sitting on her bedroom floor. Carefully, Blair picks it up and holds it close one last time.

Humphrey is waiting for her in the hallway when she comes back down. She hands him the notebook and dismisses him. Instead of leaving, Dan takes a step closer and cups her face in his hand. He murmurs a 'thank you' against her forehead and follows his words with a whisper of a kiss.

Then he turns and leaves her just standing there watching him go. The expression on her face is a perfect mixture of annoyance and confusion.

Although, there is one thing she is certain of; she's glad there's still a Dan Humphrey in her world.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Well I went ahead with part two and this time it's been beta'd. So thanks to Alex11215 for that and thanks to everyone who reviewed. I hope you enjoy.

xxx

Contrary to popular belief, he is not hiding out in Brooklyn. He's merely made a strategic retreat to the loft until things calm down, but only until Gossip Girl reports her next rumor-filled story. It's been over two weeks since he got out of the hospital and yet he's still the subject of the hottest gossip. This is probably due to the fact that a poll has been started.

_Lonely Boy maybe out of the coma, but he's not out of the woods yet. He's got a choice to make and hearts to break._

Apparently Gossip Girl and her followers believe that a near-death experience automatically entails an epiphany about your love life. The _lucky_ contenders for his heart are; Serena, Vanessa, Heather (the girl he rescued), Karen (a nurse) and Blair. Each candidate comes with _helpful_ pictures to illustrate why they're in the competition.

Of course, if the winner was decided by the volume of evidence alone, no one would be able to compete with Serena.

Reading through it is like staring at a collection of greatest hits with a few new releases. There are several pictures of them that were clearly taken through the window of his hospital room, which Dan finds not only invasive, but also creepy. Also, there are several shots of her turning up at the loft after he was released, bearing various foods and gifts, a smile always on her face.

What's missing is a shot from two nights ago when she left the loft, on the verge of tears. That was the night she'd told him that she wanted them to get back together. She thought this was their time; that it would finally all work out. And he'd felt his throat tighten with the knowledge of what he had to do next.

_I'm really sorry Serena, but I don't think it is._

He watched the hurt spread across her face at his words, and the guilt continued to choke him in return. No matter what happened or may happen between them, he never wanted to hurt her. But he doesn't want to lie to her either.

She quickly made up a lame excuse and left. He didn't try to stop her and hasn't heard from her since.

The new picture of him and Vanessa was taken when she'd shown up a few days ago. The hug was clearly awkward and half-hearted on his end. Their friendship is still fractious at best and, for the first time in their long history together, he doubts whether it can ever fully recover. Regardless of their problems, she wanted him to know that she's glad he's alright.

Heather visited him in the hospital the day after he woke up, with a potted cactus and rambling monologue of thanks. She then sent him some homemade cupcakes after he'd arrived back home. Although he's grateful for the gifts and happy she's ok, Dan doesn't mind whether he sees her again or not. She's just a paragraph in his life, not a whole story.

Eric and Jenny, however, have been arguing her case; so long as a future with her involves them eating more cupcakes. Then there's a photo of him flirting with the very attractive Karen, but this was only done in the pursuit of extra pudding, not a potential romantic spark.

There are no old shots of him and Blair in Gossip Girl's back catalogue that don't involve them squabbling or glaring at each other. Although there is a new one, taken at the hospital, which is an entirely different matter. It's one of Blair, sitting by herself in the waiting room. She's staring blankly ahead; there's nothing in her face or body language which gives away how's she's feeling, except for her hand.

The hand which is desperately holding onto his notebook.

In the more recent blasts, she's been spotted nowhere near Brooklyn. It's like she's purposely trying to keep as far away as she possibly can, whilst still remaining in places where she can show her face without being judged. This has lead to everyone who's voted for Blair being declared delusional.

He hasn't seen her since the morning he left her apartment with his notebook, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to see her. Or that he hasn't tried to contact her; but it seems she wants nothing to do with him.

Dan has been spending his time, during this self-imposed exile, working on his story. The critique and suggestions Blair left him turned out to be very constructive. Each one provides him with more insight into her inner personality; she hates pointless poetry, obvious symbolism and sloppy grammar. Also, and he's more happy about this then he thought he ever would be, she doesn't entirely hate his work. Along with making all the adjustments that she's suggested, Dan's finding that his plot is being to evolve.

This is no longer just a story about a guy, who believes he's found his soul mate in the form of a tragically stunning socialite. About a woman who desperately wants to find true love, as she thinks it will be her redemption. Now, when she finally finds it with his protagonist, she feels suffocated by it and abruptly flees. All he's left with is the book she gave him, and a broken heart.

But that's not the ending.

One of the background characters, a sharp-witted, steel-hearted brunette is slowly pushing her way into the foreground of the plot. At first, when he was busy rewriting it, Dan didn't realize that this was happening. He was quick to inform Blair's voicemail of this plot development and to sheepishly ask her to look over it again.

He's been leaving her a lot of voicemails recently.

Sometimes they're just to enquire about her wellbeing or what she's up to. But more frequently now, he's leaving her readings of his revised story; because if Blair won't come to the story, then he'll just have to bring the story to her.

She hasn't replied to a single one.

In light of this, the more recent messages contain purposely added mistakes which he knows will drive her mad. The fact that she hasn't blocked his number yet, despite all of this, Dan decides to take as a good sign.

xxx

It's late and Dan's still busy fiddling around with a paragraph he's not entirely satisfied with, when someone starts hammering on his door. It contains the kind of ferocity which suggests that if he doesn't open it soon, it will be broken down. Warily, he makes his way over and opens the door just wide enough to take just a peak.

The door barely misses his face as a furious Blair barges in, making sure to slam her shoulder into his as she passes. He murmurs a sarcastic "_please come in"_, as he shuts the door, but when he turns to face her, he really wishes he hadn't. If looks could kill, there wouldn't be a body left for them to find.

_You shouldn't be writing! You should be out flouncing after Serena or whatever it is you two do._

The irony isn't lost on him that she thinks the two are mutually exclusive. He informs her that he's turned Serena down – he's never seen her look so astonished. Blair pauses; her lips tightening into a thin line as if she's trying to stop her next question escaping.

_Why?_

_She doesn't really want me; she wants the idea of me. And I don't want her anymore._

_Oh._

Blair is staring at him like the general fact of his existence perplexes her. The tension in the room is overwhelming and his heart is pounding so loudly it's making his eardrums ache. So he lets his body go into autopilot and act on the first impulse that enters his mind. This impulse just happens to make him invade her personal space and kiss her.

She doesn't respond.

Dan scrunches his eyes up tighter as he continues, in vain, with this one sided kiss. His mind desperately tries to recall if there are any heavy objects within her reach that she could use as a weapon against him. And if the pathway to his bedroom is clear.

Growing up with Jenny taught him that barricading yourself into your room doesn't necessarily mean you're a coward. Sometimes it means that you value your life.

Just as he inches away slightly and prepares his body to run, she bites down on his lip, and takes his yelp as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. So she does so with bruising force. The contact she makes with him takes the form of small punishments, and yet somehow, still manages to be beautiful.

He doesn't know who the frustration she's expressing is directed at, but he knows better than to try and stop her. He chooses to counter each pleasurable infliction with a tender response. As she begins to back him towards the bedroom, he manages to pull away, gasping slightly for breath. He's just about to question what's happening, when she gives him a sharp warning.

_Don't ruin this by going all Dan Humphrey on me._

So he doesn't.

As she starts to claw away at his clothes, he delicately removes her. When she digs her nails into his back as they land on the bed, he gently slides his arms under hers. They move together in a slightly disjointed, but nonetheless harmonious rhythm.

xxx

A swear murmurs on his lips as he curses the new day. No matter how firmly he closes his eyes, the sunlight still finds a way to invade. He gently moans and sneaks a hand over to the other side of the bed, which he finds empty.

This discovery leaves him wide awake in a matter of seconds. And there she is, sitting at the end of his bed, wearing his shirt. She has the notebook in one hand, and a pen dangerously poised in the other.

A lazy smile creeps across his face, as he slowly crawls forwards and runs his fingertips down her back. She shudders a little at his touch, but refuses to face him. Instead she gently elbows him away, informing him that she's busy and that he should find a way to make himself useful.

Dan quickly steals a kiss against her neck, before locating his boxers and making his way to the kitchen. He returns bearing waffle covered plates and two cappuccinos topped with the famous Humphrey hazelnut foam. She puts down the notebook when she sees him and accepts his offering with a smile.

Sitting down in the chair opposite the bed, he suddenly realises that he's hesitant to touch Blair unless she's mad at him or likely to become so. It's slightly horrifying to think that he may have been conditioned into the Waldorf equivalent of a Pavlovian dog.

_Trying to butter me up with good food will not make me go any easier on your story._

He laughs and assures her that he never thought that for a second. He knows she has a reputation to maintain.

_Speaking of that…._

Blair raises a questioning eyebrow in response to the evidently cautious tone. Running a hand through his messy hair, he explains his band-aid strategy to introducing _this_, whatever _this_ is, to the outside world and suggests they attend tonight's charity function together.

Thoughtfully, she chews on a piece of waffle, drawing out the process as long as possible just to make him squirm. It's apparent that Blair Waldorf still loves to torture him. When she suddenly asks him what he's wearing, he's so taken aback that all he can do is splutter a "What?" And she promptly rolls her eyes at him.

_If we're going to be seen together, I need to ensure that you should be seen._

Lily's brought him a new suit for the event, which manages to get the Waldorf nod of approval. Then she proceeds to tear through his wardrobe in search of a suitable shirt, tie and shoes to complete the outfit. As she does so, she flings more and more clothes onto the mounting 'must be burnt immediately' pile.

_I swear Humphrey, sometimes Cedric had better dress sense then you._

He makes a mental note of a few items that he'll slyly rescue later before sacrificing the rest in order to appease the Dictator of Taste. They spend the rest of the day just being themselves; watching movies, bickering, discussing culture, trading insults.

The only difference is that they're physically closer, touching one another freely and exchanging kisses alongside quips. And she's still wearing his shirt. And he's wearing his boxers. And sometimes, they end up wearing neither.

They don't discuss the shift in their relationship or attempt to define it – they've never done so before and neither can see the point in starting now. And, although Dan can't quite believe it himself, this doesn't bother him.

Their relationship has the ability to evolve naturally, and for the better, without anyone trying to interfere.

xxx

Everyone who knows them are understandably shocked to see them attend the fundraiser together. Everyone that is, apart from his Dad. Upon spotting them, Rufus lets out a loud chuckle and then spends the rest of the evening with a knowing grin on his face.

Blair spends the entire event possessively holding Dan's hand; the expression on her face warning of the consequences if anyone dares to meddle with them. In return, Blair allows him to kiss her in public, make her laugh and hold her close to him on the dance floor. Dan tries his best to make her feel secure, without feeling suffocated. Make her happy without fearing she might lose it.

When his book is finally published, the sole dedication is made to the Dictator of Taste.


End file.
